Whom Or What Are We Really Angry At?

By | December 17, 2022 | 0 Comments

One of the most important, and most difficult, goals in therapy is uncovering whom or what we are really angry at.

• The defiant teen or criminal adult seems to be angry at the whole world. But is he really angry at the absent or emotionally distant father who was never there when he was needed?

• The closed-down girl or woman seems to be angry at her boyfriend or husband. But is she really angry at the abusive relative she never confronted in childhood?

• The alienated prince seems to be angry at his late grandmother, his father, and his older brother. But is he really angry at his dead mother for having abandoned him to go cavorting in Europe, but he can’t face the guilt for these feelings?

Anger is dangerous and destructive enough, without being displaced onto people where it does not belong. A good therapist can help us to understand what really fuels our anger. A poor therapist merely enables us to express it onto the wrong people. This is as true in a working-class neighborhood as it is in a palace.

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