More Politically Correct Carols, but Where Are the Real Ones?

By | December 19, 2019 | 0 Comments

What Child Was This?

Planned Parenthood, which receives taxpayer funds, offered gift certificates for its birth-control services, including abortion. Mark Steyn suggested including a greeting card showing an empty manger − which may be the real purpose.

What child was this who, laid to rest,
In the trash is sleeping,
Whom angels greet with anthems sweet
To cover up their weeping?
This, this is no one now,
While only to ourselves we bow.
Haste, haste to turn away,
We may have a child another day.
(Or not.)

Guide Me, O Thou Great Obama

School children taught to sing hymn to Barack Obama.

Guide me, O thou great Obama,
Unhappy with this blessed land.
I am weak but thou art mighty,
Heal me with thy powerful hand.
Rationed healthcare, monstrous bailouts,
Till the budget bursts in two,
Till the budget bursts in two.

Open now the bottomless treasury,
Whence the people’s cash doth flow.
Flowing like a mighty river,
Spend it till we’re all laid low.
Change is all that we’ll be left with,
When the debts will all come due,
When the debts will all come due.

Once in David’s Muhammad’s Royal City

The Christian population of Bethlehem, birthplace of Jesus, has fallen from 85% to 12%. Hebron, burial place of Abraham, now has 130,000 Muslims, 530 Jews and three Christians. The trend is clear. The plan is to make all Israel “judenrein” – that is, “cleansed” of Jews, with perhaps a few Christians allowed to remain in subservient positions, subjected to discrimination. The same thing is happening in other areas of the Mideast, though the press pretends not to notice.

Once ’twas royal David’s city
Where stood a cattle shed
But now, more is the pity
All David’s people fled.

Where a mother laid her baby
In a manger for his bed
Do you think, just maybe
Their memory is dead?

His birthplace we forsook
For empty words of peace
Gave not one backward look
As our future hopes decrease.

The Twelve Days of Holiday

Six Muslim imams removed from airliner after they pray loudly, make anti-American remarks, sit separately controlling all exits, and refuse to be re-screened. Three had one-way tickets and only one had a checked bag. One requested a seat-belt extension, though he was not obese, and flight attendants wondered what the extension could be used for. The imams sued, and the airline settled for an undisclosed amount.

On the twelfth day of holiday, my sex partner gave to me
Twelve Santas silenced
Eleven lawyers suing
Ten Commandments missing
Nine judges squawking
Eight cowards cringing
Seven crèches cancelled
Six imams flying
Five brazen jerks
Four chicken birds
Three French hens
Two fallen towers
But no Christmas, like when we were free.

No Joy to the World

Schools, government offices and businesses ban Christmas trees and carols. A National Public Radio commentator apologizes for merely saying the word “Christmas” on TV, as if it were a curse word. It’s too bad Christmas isn’t a failing business − then the government might bail it out.

No joy to the world, no Lord is come,
The judge acts like a king.
Let all the people fear, to show a sign of cheer.
No heaven or angels sing,
No heaven or angels sing,
No heaven, no heaven or angels sing.

No joy to the world, the judges rule,
Let folks no songs employ.
In towns and hills and plains, wherever P.C. reigns,
Suppress the sounding joy,
Suppress the sounding joy,
Suppress, suppress the sounding joy.

Away With the Manger

University of Texas students put up “ACLU Solstice Barn” to replace banned Nativity Scene. Included are Gary and Joseph instead of Mary and Joseph; Nancy Pelosi as an angel; Marx, Lenin, and Stalin as the Wise Men; and a shepherd with an explosive belt − but, of course, no Baby Jesus.

Away with the manger, the parents and child,
A scene of religion will drive them all wild.
They fear him, and hate him, and send him away,
But who fears a baby asleep on the hay?

Away with the manger from people’s front lawns,
The Free Exercise Clause evokes only yawns.
They profit from holiday sales all the way,
But can’t stand the real name of this holiday.

Away with the manger from schools and from homes,
Of their hate for religion they make no bones.
This country was founded by Christians, get real!
But a small group of ingrates will bring them to heel.

Away with the manger from hearts and from minds,
But replace it with what kind of symbol that binds?
Our enemies have strong beliefs that don’t fail,
But believers in nothing, how can we prevail?

Silent Night, Unholy Night

Stores ban Salvation Army Santas, while school replaces Baby Jesus in Nativity scene with Frosty the Snowman. Meanwhile, Urban Outfitters’ Christmas catalog is laced with obscenities – because it “targets teenagers and young adults.”

Silent night, unholy night,
Kick out Santas without a fight.
Gone are bell ringers ‘round the store,
Kettles for charity are no more.
Shop in selfish silence,
Shop in selfish silence.
Silent night, unholy night
No idea what happened tonight.
No reminder to help the poor,
No tinkling bells outside the door.
Shop in selfish silence,
Shop in selfish silence.

Bad King Wenceslas

Judge blocks mayor from telling police to take homeless people to shelters during freezing weather. Hawaii bans high-school Christmas concert that collected funds for African children because tickets were sold in a church.

Bad King Wenceslas looked out
On the Feast of Stephen,
When the snow lay round about
Deep and crisp and even.
Brightly shone the moon that night
Though the frost was cruel,
When a poor man came in sight
Shiv’ring like a fool.

Bring that man in near the fire
The king said to his pages,
But ACLU raised its ire
And went into its rages.
They went to court and told the judge
It’s against the Constitution,
What it really said they’d fudge
That’s legal prostitution.

The judge ruled people have the right
Outdoors to be freezin’,
His ruling was quite out of sight
And counter to all reason.
Judge and lawyers all went home
All went home together,
While homeless people had to roam
In the bitter weather.

We now think a homeless guy
Is something like a fetus,
Their only right is just to die
What poets call quietus.
Inconvenient folks beware
Unborn, old, disabled,
We’ll kill you all without a care
We’re legally enabled!

When before the Lord we stand
And praise ourselves with boldness,
They’ll be people close at hand
Accuse us all of coldness.
Careful now before you speak
Sitting by your fire,
Twist the law against the weak
You’ll surely raise God’s ire.

Deck the Hall with Nothing at All

Dean orders Christmas tree removed from law school lobby after student complains of feeling “excluded.”

Don’t deck the hall with boughs of holly,
There’s no limit to our folly.
Follow me in mournful measure,
We’re throwing out our sacred treasure.
Fast away our culture passes,
Speak up now, O lads and lasses.
“Tolerance” applies to others,
But not to us or to our brothers.

Note: “Fa-la-la” was omitted, as there was no way to be sure whether or not it is politically correct.

Santa Claus Ain’t Coming to Town

Employees told to say “Happy holidays,” not “Merry Christmas.”

No need to watch out
No need not to cry
No need not to pout
I’m telling you why
Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.

He’s making no list
Not checking it twice
Couldn’t care less who’s naughty or nice
Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.

The people all are sleeping
The lawyers are awake
The court says that it knows what’s best
So obey for goodness’ sake.

No caroling, fool!
No wreath on the door
No tree in the school
Makes all of us poor
Santa Claus ain’t coming to town.

Author’s Note:

I enjoy making up politically correct versions of Christmas carols. But today many young people may not know what I am parodying − they are unfamiliar with the carols we knew so well. This year I listened to radio and watched TV in the weeks before Christmas. Unless I tuned to a religious station, carols were few and far between. Even mall music included fewer carols than in the past.

My favorite carol is “Good King Wenceslas.” It expresses the essence of religion − not dogma, but treating our fellow humans with kindness. But I rarely hear it on TV or radio. Kids used to grow up hearing carols like this for Christmas, hearing patriotic music for Independence Day, and hearing Sinatra sing “My Way” and Elvis sing “Love Me Tender.”

Now kids grow up hearing that Grammy-nominated favorite “F**k You,” and the Oscar winner “It’s Hard out Here for a Pimp.” Can you believe that what young people are exposed to during their formative years has no effect on them? We protect their lungs from second-hand smoke, but we forget to protect their souls from pollution.

Someone who steals the financial inheritance of young people is called a thief and is sent to prison. But someone who steals the cultural and spiritual inheritance of young people makes money with rap “music” or MTV, and is honored by being called “modern” − as in a “modern” TV executive, a “modern” musician, or a “modern” educator. But he is a worse thief − he stole something more valuable than money. And he left young people far poorer, and far less able to defend their civilization against those who want to destroy it.

When we “deck the hall with nothing at all,” we demonstrate not just a lack of Christmas spirit, but also a lack of the spirit we need to survive as a people. Cultural amnesia is like Alzheimer’s − a tragic condition that robs us of our identity and is ultimately fatal.

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