Jay Leno had a weekly skit on his TV show in which he showed newspaper headlines that seemed silly or humorous. Leno is no longer on TV, regrettably, but humorous headlines still may be interesting. Even better, they may be instructive – if we invent headlines that typify what ails our media. At least it’s worth a try.
Trump walks on water; can’t he swim?
Trump announces cancer cure; when did Putin know?
Deputy Assistant Undersecretary of Interior disagrees with Trump
Trump orders Belgian waffle; evidence of foreign influence
Trump turns water into wine; vintners alarmed
Trump awards hero dog; cat owners furious
Joe Biden can’t find his car; accuses Trump of auto theft
Hunter Biden leaves crack pipe in Ukraine; blames Giuliani
Adam Schiff can’t stop banging gavel; doctors baffled
Schiff claims he has photo of Bigfoot; refuses to show it
Bigfoot claims he has photo of Schiff; no one wants to see it
Eric Smellwell goes into orbit; Elon Musk asks help for rocket
Smellwell guest lights match; funeral arrangements pending
Smellwell warns gun owners govt has nukes; he also has poison gas
Pelosi denies new facelift; says stuck face out of fast-moving car
Pelosi removes Schiff from impeachment, appoints C3PO; no one notices
Pelosi says Trump existential threat, impeachment must come quickly
Pelosi delays sending impeachment to Senate, needs more time
Pelosi blames Trump for contradicting himself
Bernie Sanders injures hands; unable to speak
Sanders plans return to Soviet Union; unaware it no longer exists
AOC says abolish prisons; moves to gated community
AOC rejected by voters; too conservative
AOC returns to bartending; accused of watering drinks
Ilhan Omar marries self, divorces; cites irreconcilable differences
Kamala Harris gives speech, interrupts self, leaves podium
Elizabeth Warren says DNA 0.00002% Vulcan; changes name to Elizabeth Spock
Dem candidates knock one another out; debate much improved
Asteroid strikes; women and minorities hardest hit
Kaepernick has knee surgery; blames American flag
New York Times uses disappearing ink; never needs retractions
CNN audience made up only of MSNBC
MSNBC audience made up only of CNN
Tremors in DC; John F. Kennedy reads Dem platform, turns over in grave
Dems promise free everything; seek donations
Four-year-old child with safety pin punctures leftist bubble
Democrats return to classical liberalism; dancing in streets
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