Panic! Alarm! First Case Of Flurona!

By | January 3, 2022 | 0 Comments

Report: First case of combined influenza and Covid-19, named Flurona.

In the film “Bananas,” Woody Allen describes a Castro-like dictator who goes power crazy. He orders everyone to change their underwear daily, and to enable police to check that they are doing so, to wear their underwear over their clothes. This made for an amusing movie, but thinking about it now makes me wonder: What if Dr. Fauci did that tomorrow at 10 am on TV? Come to think of it, he looks a bit like the Woody Allen dictator.

Surely, many would say, cleanliness is important for resisting pandemics. The mainstream media would hesitate, then jump on the bandwagon enthusiastically when they saw their competitors doing so. Resistance would be overcome. Those opposed would be called anti-Spanxers, and ridiculed for having skid marks on their shorts. Mayors of progressive cities would remove police from patrols and assign them to check underwear on streets and public gatherings. Violent crime would reach new heights, but victims could rest easy, knowing that everyone could appreciate their clean underwear as they lay on the sidewalk bleeding.

Absurd, you say? Who would accept such insanity? I would guess millions would accept it, perhaps as many as half the population. Two years of lockdowns, business failures, masking outdoors in sunny weather, bars and casinos open while churches are closed, and big-box stores open while mom-and-pop stores are closed – well, after two years of all that, underwear on the outside would seem a small price to pay to survive the dreaded Flurona. Safety first, don’t you know? Can’t be too careful, right?

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