Bill Maher: Replace Joe Biden with Gavin Newsom on the presidential ballot. Newsom is California governor and comes from a family connected to the Gettys and the Browns. Oh, I see. Replace the guy who lost his marbles with the guy who never had any to begin with.

This is similar to the advice of the old drunk: If you’re lying on the floor, you can’t fall down. If your expectations are low enough, you won’t be disappointed. My only expectation of Gavin Newsom is putting my fingers in his hair, squeezing, and getting at least two quarts of 10w-40 Pennzoil. Or is it 20w-50 Valvoline? Whatever it is, it’s really, really oily.

No, on second thought it’s 5w-20 Mobil 1. Everything about Newsom is synthetic.